Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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