I hate your face
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
