Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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