I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
