Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
