i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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