Well apparently he's into motor boating.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
