we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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