Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
