Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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