oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
