I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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