fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
