haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
