He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
