and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
