I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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