No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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