I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
