Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
