I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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