I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
