When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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