she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
