he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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