she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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