Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
