just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
