yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We left the knife in your bed.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
