They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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