The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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