Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
