next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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