I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
