help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
