I have demons in me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
