after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
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he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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