do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
