One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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