Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
