Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
