Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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