Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm sobbing to NWA
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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