sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
they're like a gay fantastic four
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
