His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
