I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
