All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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