dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
