I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
