you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
