end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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