after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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