first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
