I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
