Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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