It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
