There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
