I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
