I haven't been this sober since birth.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Houston, we have a squirter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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