Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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