what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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