I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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