His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
