There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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