I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
